The Girl on the In Between

* Now my wife Sandra is a great woman, but there is one problem with her. Sandra is a woman on the in between. In fact the straddles the very exact edge of in between. 

She also happens to be my soul mate and wife.

What’s “being on the in between?” You may well ask. So I will try to tell you.To start with Sandy will never land on one side or the other. In other words she is, at it were, neutral. It’s not easy for most people to be, or most particularly, to stay neutral. We all have our opinions, our wants, desires and favorites and most of us will let you know where we stand, more or less. but not Sandra.

Unless we’re trying to curry favor or are just being polite. But, Sandra’s position is always predictable in its unpredictability. Straddling the in between is Sandra’s invariable favorite and default position. And, believe me, she never varies. When I say neutral, I mean she never commits herself to come down on one side of the other. For example, if you ask her if she likes hamburgers she will reply,

“I guess so.”

If you ask her if she wants to watch a movie, she’ll answer, “Well, it’s up to you.”

Or, “Whatever you prefer.” Or, “You decide.”

What the Hell are those answers? Well, they’re really neither ‘yeas’ nor are they ‘nays’. Those are in between answers and they always drive me nuts. And, whenever I do make the decision it is variably the wrong one,  Sandra can never bring herself to land on any definite answer. Period. No one can nor probably ever could persuade her to do so. I think  “equivocation” is the right word for people who can’t decide, but with Sandra it’s more than that. It isn’t that she can’t decide, it’s that she WON’T DECIDE!

Dynamite can’t move her. I don’t know how her mama and daddy could stand her.

She is who she is and I love Sandra, and I always will, so don’t get me wrong. She has so many wonderful qualities who can help but love her?  But if there was ever one particular thing that puts me over the edge about her, it is her in-betweenness. That’s not even a word is it? But, I think you get my drift.

One day I decided that I would see if I could change her, or move her off dead center by using a little guile and reverse psychology.

“We’re going out to dinner this evening.” I announce.

“Where?” She says.

“That’s totally up to you” I say. I know there’s a new place she wants to try.

“You don’t have anyplace in mind?” She asks.

“Nope.” I’m thinking she will suggest the new place.

“Well, don’t leave it up to me.” She says. “This is your idea.”

“Yes, and it’s my treat and where we go is totally up to you.” I say.

“Well, I don’t know.” She says.

“That’s fine.” I say. “We’ll just get in the car and drive and you can decide along the way.”

“I don’t want to go if you won’t tell me where we’re going.” She says.

I know this is her opening ploy to get me to decide on the new place, but this time I’m not going to play along.

“OK then,” I say. “I’ll just go out and grab something and bring you back a take out order.”

“So, where are you going?” She asks.

“I don’t even know. I haven’t decided.”

“So, you’re just going to get in the car and drive any old where?” She asks.

“Yep.” I say.

“Well, that’s just plain crazy.” She says in a querulous voice.

“Maybe.” I answer noncommittally. I stand up and begin putting my jacket on.

“OK, then.” She says. “I’ll go with you.”

“Great! Get your keys and let’s go.” I say.

“My keys? Why?” She asks.

“Well, you can wander around looking for a good place to eat as well as I can, Sandra.” I say reasonably.

Of course I’m hoping that she will “wander” in the direction of the new place she wants to try, but I’m damned if I’m going to suggest that.

“OK, in that case, I’m not going then.” She says. Now, there’s a finality and a bit of an edge to her voice.

“Fine.” I say, still trying to be reasonable. “I’ll be back in a while.”

I grab my keys and head for the door.

“But, where are you going?” She asks again, this time to my back.

“I’ve told you already, Sandy. I don’t know yet.” I say. Now, there’s an edge to my own voice. “I’ll decide on the way.”

“Yes, and I’ve told you that was just crazy too. And, you don’t need to get all huffy with me!”

Long story short, I ate a hamburger from the local joint that night and although I also brought one home for Sandy it was in the fridge this morning uneaten, so I don’t know what she did for supper. I couldn’t ask Sandy because she had locked the bedroom door and I slept in the guest room last night. I don’t have any idea where I might sleep tonight. Yet.

I wonder if Sandy knows?

* This story is entirely made up from whole cloth, and based on my experiences with some women in my lifetime, not to be identified here - for my own protection, Obviously.