Seven Year Gold Star Driver

I had to renew my Georgia driver’s license recently, which I had allowed to expire somehow. Maybe that had something to do with the fact that it was good for FIVE years and I got it in August 2013 and forgot all about it. Any other license I’ve ever gotten anywhere was good for at the most, four years.

Anyway, my new Georgia driver’s license is now good for SEVEN years!  Count ‘em, SEVEN LONG YEARS! Think about that! What the hell are these people thinking? For Christ sakes, I’m 77 years old now, and if I live seven more years, I’ll be EIGHTY-FRIGGING-FOUR! I’m damned near blind in one eye and can't see worth a damn out of the other, but I passed the vision test handily. I also walk with a cane and am nearly deaf in one ear, but they don’t even test for that. I was worried about the vision test when I went to the *DSS office but it was all actually a total breeze for me. 

*(‘DDS’ now replaces the ‘DMV’ in Georgia, and the initials represent “Department of Driver Services”. Don’t ask me why or how come, but that’s what the state has done.)

A very nice man met me at the door, ushered me to a seat, and very courteously presented me with a simple questionnaire to complete. I think he would have offered me coffee or a beer and scratched my back or called in a masseuse for me had I asked. The point is, I was amazed. I've NEVER received that kind of treatment at ANY DMV office, EVER, ANYTIME, ANYWHERE, norsiree Bob!

Annie was more than a little pissed to witness the treatment I got. She herself had to jump through several hoops when her license was renewed recently and needed to make a couple extra trips back and forth to satisfy the driver's license folks. Going with her to the DMV, sorry, to the DDS, was the prompt I needed to check my own license for its expiration date.  Imagine my horror to realize I’ve been driving for six months on an expired license! That included three trips to NC and back, and about 9,000 - 10,000 driving miles overall in those six months. Am I a lucky guy or what?

And, Annie was also very jealous to discover I had a ‘Gold Star’ on my old, expired license which entitled me to all that deluxe treatment. Her old license did not have the star. Turns out that was because she got her license several months earlier than I got mine, she had not been required at that time to provide all the ‘citizenship’ provenance. I’d had to jump through all sorts of hoops for mine, you know, passport, birth certificate, canceled postmark letters addressed to me, wife’s mother's maiden name, voting record, shoe size, favorite Republican politician, all that sort of thing. I think I had to make seven trips to the DMV (that IS what they called it in  2013!) All that plus I look a lot like an AOWG (Angry Old White Guy) meant that I could breeze right on through accompanied by a state provided assistant if needed. Odd that, since the entire staff at the DDS was black except for the greeter at the door.

Of course, there is the fact that Annie comports herself much like, and strongly resembles a revolutionary radical or a card-carrying ‘librul’ Democrat, so there were those strikes against her too. No wonder they had her jumping through so many hoops!

However, when I finally received my license through the mail it made me strongly suspect that the underground anti-AOWG crowd at the DSS got the last laugh on me in the end. The picture on my license looks like the mug shot for a homeless drunk arrested for sleeping in the gutter in front of a cheap wine shop.  But the good part is that I now don’t have to worry about renewing my driver’s license for seven long years. The bad part is that I’m stuck with that frigging picture on my license for the next seven long years.

I called them over at the DDS and asked if I could maybe get my picture redone for my new license. I told them I just did not like the one I received worth a damn. They responded that they didn't think all that highly of it themselves, but their policy was no do-overs. (left unspoken but clearly understood was 'Screw you AOWG'!) Then there's the thought that maybe I really do look like that all the time?

All I can say is now I just can't wait for when it's time to renew my license again!

The other good news is that Annie now also has a Gold Star on her new license, so I don't have to listen to her whine anymore about that!

This little story is tongue in cheek and maybe a little exaggerated here and there, but the essential germs of truth are inside!